Walking

I am walking and walking all over Berlin. In the last four days, I've walked about 27miles. I'd forgotten how the weather inspires me these months hidden in SBahn and UBahn cars, but now I am able to experience the inspiration once more and connect the dots of Berlin S and U-Bahn stations together.

Friday is May 1st, and if you weren't already aware, it is a big deal here. Ironically, it isn't at all at home in the U.S., although it is to commemorate an American event- the Haymarket Massacre. So it isn't folk costumes teens dancing around a Maypole- but rather International Labor Day. It is a national holiday and a day of protest and demonstrations- almost everyone has the day off- why not go protest something? All over the streets of Berlin, there are posters informing of the many demonstrations, etc. This is one of my favorite ones.

I'll let you know how it goes.

A Good Day

Today was a good day. Yesterday was a good day. I really could say this weekend was a good weekend. But right now I am in the present and willing to reflect on today. The sun woke me up and about an hour later, the alarm got me out of bed to get ready for church. Off to church I went, the sun shinning and the birds singing- the streets were quiet but for the birds and church bells ringing. Most are still abed in Berlin at 9.45 on a Sunday morning. Church was full of light and I was pleased to notice that in addition to having learned all of the responses in mass, I have also learned the tunes and words to many of the more sung songs, it was most encouraging. Next week, it seems, is also the mass for the First Communion kids- I'll be sure to head to another mass time next week! Then back home I wandered, the air warmer and the sun shinning a bit higher in the sky- church had run a bit long (a baptism)- but no matter, it was Sunday and I had not much before me.

Having finished my school reading the previous day (Oh, I love my ersatz window seat!), I hunkered down in the kitchen with A Prairie Home Companion on NPR Worldwide and set to making a batch of Snickerdoodles. Arlo Guthrie was the guest star and I enjoyed folk classics as I rolled my chilled dough in sugar and cinnamon. After the cookies were done, packaged, and dishes were done, I was able to settle down (in my window seat once more) to a bit of pleasure reading. I've discovered a German author I quite like- Katrin Dorn- and have set to reading all of her novels. I've finished Der Hunger der Kellnerin (The Hunger of the Waitress) and am currently enjoying Milonga. Milonga is apparently a fast form of tango- and it suits as the book is very much about a woman and dancing tango.

After a nice period relaxing at home, I headed to Görlitzer Park in Kreuzberg to meet Michael for an impromptu picnic of sorts. Görlitzer Park is a sort of cross section of Berlin and by extension the world. Next to young hipsters you'll find Turkish families having parties and little old ladies walking together in full hijab. There are families and young couples, old men collecting bottles for the 8-15cent deposit, and all sorts of less than savory or charming characters. While Michael and I were there- playing backgammon- we were able to observe the shooting of what looked like some sort of music video. I was able to snap this picture of the rather absurd occurrence. Were were sitting in an inverted hill- basically a large bowl. In the center of the bowl, there is an asphalt path for bicyclists, etc. The band was lip syncing to a boom box and pretending to play their instruments, all the while pushing a shopping cart full of junk and mostly their lead singer down this paved path. We were able to watch them do it about four or five times. Often, the cart wheels would catch a lip on the asphalt and the lead singer would fall out- the quite full park enjoyed the entertainment very much. After a while the sky grew overcast, Lydia stopped by, Michael left, and we went for Indian food. After some delicious food and marvelous conversation, we went our separate ways, and it being such a fine night, I elected to walk home. The walk from Kreuzberg to my Kiez in Friedrichshain is quite nice and relaxing. According to my snazzy route mapper, it is a 2.6 mile walk- and it was beautiful. I listened to the newest Q-Tip album and enjoyed the beautiful night. Here's a photo of some of Friedrichhain's skyline reflected on the Spree- a bit dark, but you get the idea. All in all, a pretty good day.

Winter Sucks, Thank God it's Spring

Seriously, winter sucks, so I am quite glad that it is over and spring is here. Today was a beautiful spring day- and when the sun comes out- as previously observed- so do the Germans. Indeed, all of Berlin has been out and about lapping up the sun. Get that Vitamin D, people!

My room gets marvelous morning sun, and I spent the morning reading in my ersatz window seat- the door tilted open to let the sweet air in, as I read Kleist. When the shadows began to overpower the sun in my room, Lydia came over and we headed off to Treptower Park. Indeed, that is why winter sucks- you cannot get an ice cream and lay on the grass in the sun when there is ice and snow everywhere.

View from my Window Seat

Dorena Koopman

The Fresno Bee occasionally gets things right, this article doesn't get it all, but comes close. Koop will be missed.

Dorena Koopman, a beloved German teacher at Bullard High School for more than three decades, died Friday after a long battle with breast cancer.

Ms. Koopman, 57, had been battling cancer for more than 11 years, according to close friends.

She taught at Bullard for 32 years and had been with Fresno Unified School District for 34 years, said district spokeswoman Susan Bedi.

Glenn Starkweather, Bullard High's principal, said she was an inspirational instructor who had a special way of connecting with her students. "She was a very passionate, well-respected teacher," he said.

She originally taught language arts at Bullard but found her niche teaching German. Starkweather said Ms. Koopman immersed her students in the language and was instrumental in helping to develop a German language program at Baird Middle School, a Bullard feeder school.

She developed a tradition at Bullard of adapting plays into German for her students to perform twice a year. Last year it was "Hansel and Gretel," Starkweather said. The plays were performed in front of packed houses of family and friends of students. But it was Ms. Koopman who beamed most on performance night because she was so proud of her students, he said.

"As an educator, she was outstanding. The kids were always first. Everything she did was to ensure success for the students," he said.

Others in the district took notice.

In March, she was nominated by her peers for Fresno Unified's "Excellence in Education" award, which recognizes outstanding service. She tied with another teacher for the honor in the high school division. Although she was sick, she attended the awards presentation, Bedi said. Yasmin Assemi, a film student at University of Southern California who graduated from Bullard in 1998, said Ms. Koopman was the kind of teacher students could turn to for anything. "She was always there for students, before class, after class. She really taught you a lot and really cared."

Friends said Ms. Koopman was a fighter who battled cancer bravely.

When she was first diagnosed, her cancer was already advanced. With treatment, including chemotherapy, it appeared she had defeated the odds. However, less than five years later, the cancer had spread to her lung. It eventually spread to her liver, then brain, said longtime friend Elaine Collet, a former teacher. She taught throughout her illness and was very open with students. "The students, and being in the classroom, was her best medicine because it kept her going," Collet said.

Ms. Koopman finally stopped teaching March 26 and said her final goodbyes to students, said close friend Jane Hammaker.

In the weeks following, students, parents, and the generations she taught at Bullard flooded Ms. Koopman's home with more than 500 letters, notes and e-mails. Hammaker said among her most treasured gifts was an 82-page photo album that current and former students put together and delivered about a week before Ms. Koopman's death. The photo album was also placed on the Internet.

She never liked the spotlight, said those who knew her. There are no funeral services planned; she will be cremated.

However, Hammaker said there will be a celebration of her life at Bullard High School on May 5 - the date her students would have been performed their next play in German. It is scheduled to take place at 7 p.m. in the school theater where students, or "Koop's Troop" will share memories on stage.

"She didn't want anything, so she probably doesn't want this," said Hammaker. "But, I think she may like it because this is going to be good for the students."

Wisdom Teeth, Part II

Yesterday, the wisdom teeth fun continued with the extraction of the two remaining right wisdom teeth. All in all, it was better than the first time round- there was no whimpering or recoiling when he gave me the Novocaine and as I knew what to anticipate regarding the whole tooth thing, it seemed to go far quicker. Indeed, I was in and out in 20 minutes- something I still cannot quite believe. But now, lacking all my wisdom teeth, I wonder- what will become of my wisdom?

A Walk in my Kiez- Sunday

Grief

The black gossamer threads wrap around the small of my back,
Taping out their seductive tune against the vertebrae-
One by one up to the base of my spine,
Whispering like a temping lover in the night,
Join us.

Let waves of darkness crash over you,
Submerse yourself in their inky hues and give in-
Let go-
Don’t fight anymore.

I can feel the undertow pulling at my toes,
Its persuasive pressure surrounding my skin
As the waves build and crescendo into a Siren symphony,
Doubling in intensity as the longing grows.

A longing to be pulled under,
Down where I can wrap myself in hues of despair-
Suffocating on sobs caught in my parchment throat-
Afraid for the lighted hope of day.

Ich habe die Farbe des Weizens gewonnen.

Mourning

Recently a dear friend died. And for the first time in my life, I am truly experiencing grief. Her death has left me with a most profound feeling of loss, one with which I am not sure how to deal. I cannot escape my grief, and indeed I do not want to- I need to express the sadness and loss which her death has brought me. Our society has always had strict codes, traditions, and rituals for dealing with death, grief, and loss- one word seems to encompass all of these traditions- from Suttee to sitting Shiva and saying Rosaries for the departed, we mourn.

However, grief and mourning are not synonymous. Grief is an emotion, strong and seductive- while mourning is the process by which we deal with our grief, an outward manifestation of our inner turmoil shaped by our societies and our social codes. The lessening of social codes has eroded much of the protocol for mourning. We still wear mostly black to funerals and we remember to bring food and flowers to those left- but the speed with which we are expected to resume normal life, behavior, and feeling is a reflection of the lightening speed at which our world now moves. However, as quickly as we are accustomed to moving and adjusting in our world- the ancient and universal grief does has not adapted to a 24 hour news cycle. As I grieve, I find myself turning to the older outward manifestations of grief- to mourning.

If we are not to express our grief externally, the danger of succumbing to despair is even greater. In choosing to mourn and for a period, wear black, I feel myself being pulled back from the edge of despair. Instead of manifesting my grief in a submission to despair- I am manifesting it outwardly. I feel as though I am constantly acknowledging my grief and loss, but that I am not allowing it to take over or handicap my life. It is a small choice which helps me to grieve, but to grieve without losing myself. Now every morning, I can get dressed and remember. Then I can continue about my day- never forgetting, but never allowing myself to be overtaken by my loss.

Spring in Berlin, oh what joy!

When the sun comes out, so do the Germans. In fact everyone comes out to play in Berlin the moment the temperature rises and the sun begins to shine. After what seemed like an eternal winter, I am happy to say that Spring is fully here in Berlin! The birds are chirping, the sun is rising earlier and going down later every day- I cannot imagine the magic of the summer to come! Just think how long the sun will be out! I want to spend every possible moment in the sun, basking in the warm rays dancing across my skin. In the S-Bahn cars, the top side windows have even been open to let in the cool spring air! After a window of keenly observing the instructions by the automatic doors- to close them on cold days- it is nice to experience the windows left open. There is no longer a fear of the cold. I am even altering my travel methods. I've come to prefer buses and trams. They are usually a bit slower, but they stay in the sun and let me see the sun-soaked city. Why go underground where the sun can't follow?

Today was Easter Monday, the last day of my seemingly forever semester break. I went with a few friends to Treptower Park to soak up some rays. It being Easter Monday and a national holiday and all, we weren't the only ones with such a plan- the park was full of people with the day off work and school, lounging in the sun. It was a most perfect day- the sun, friends, and relaxation. Although the break is over and tomorrow I'll head back to classes, I am happy that this semester will be in the warm light of spring and summer- not the weak one of winter. Oh spring, I like you. The sandals have come out, the legs have emerged from their stockings, and I am ready to get some color- just not too much, I am from California- we know about skin cancer there.

Easter!!

Easter is by far my favorite holiday, indeed my favorite day of the year. The magic of Easter Vigil, my favorite mass is always breathtaking. This year, my breath was taken away in German. I attended Easter Vigil at my local church, St. Mauritius. It was splendid. Mass began outside, with an Easter fire. The priest spoke about the miracle of Jesus rising from the dead and blessed the fire. Then he lit the Easter candle from the fire and we went into the dark church. The Easter candle followed and gradually the church filled with soft candle light as we lit out candles from the Easter candle and among one another. Readings from the Old Testament followed in the semi-darkness, and when around 10pm, Jesus rose, the church was flooded with light and the bells and organ began to go crazy. It was amazing! As the bells were ringing to the resurrection, and the organ was blasting the miraculous news- I couldn't help but think, it's 10pm! I wonder how the neighbors liked it. The mass continued in the usual Easter Vigil fashion and seven new members were welcomed into the church, always a very moving experience for me. I remember going to Easter Vigil when I was little and listening to the Priest's words, saying that baptism cleanses you of all your sins. I was always jealous of the people baptized as adults- what kind of sins did I have at 6 weeks? The jealousy has fortunately passed as I've grown older and I can now enjoy welcoming new people into the church guilt free.

Never to be one to miss an opportunity to attend mass, I also went this morning with a few friends. It was a very nice service- but nothing can compare to the magic of Easter Vigil. My roommate is also celebrating her birthday this Easter. I am incredibly jealous. As some of you may know, I was born on Holy Saturday and have been waiting my entire life for an Easter Birthday. It has never happened. One day working at the church last year, I was curious- would I ever have an Easter Birthday? I found a website with the Easter dates until 2050 and found that I wouldn't. I did some further research and learned that the first time I would have an Easter Birthday would be 2051! Recently I looked to see the last time Easter fell on April 2nd, it was 1972! My goal in life is to see my Easter Birthday- it is going to be one amazing party.

But back to Easter. The day was glorious and sunny and warm. The planned Easter picnic was a rousing success. I spent all day yesterday cooking. I made potato salad, challah, devilled eggs, and carrot cake. The carrot cake was delicious and moist. The picture below is very much like what today at my favorite park, Volkspark Friedrichshain, looked like.

New Hair

It is a glorious spring day: birds are chirping, the sun is warm, and I feel very blessed. Before I run out to read and catch some sun- here's a picture of the new hair, as promised. Beyond the Myspace quality of the photo, nice, no?